Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
