Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
