Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
