So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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