who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
