don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
