Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
