oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
