Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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