Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
