You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
