i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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