I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
