what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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