I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
