I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
