I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
