Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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