I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
