maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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