He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
