im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
