Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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