How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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