He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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