you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Found the puke drawer
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
