Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
