You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
