I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was born a porn star she said
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
