Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize