her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone came in the potted fern
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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