The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
