A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
