We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
