lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
