Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
