that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
