i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
