I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
