I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
