you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
