Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
