Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
