I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Holy sore nipples Batman
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
