so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think my tv is drunk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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