Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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