Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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