I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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