I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize