i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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