Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
