There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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