Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize