Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
