Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
