Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
