You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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