I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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