I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize