I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
