barbara walters just said penis...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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