I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
