There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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