I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize