hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Life is so much better after having sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
