The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
