I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize