Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
