and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize