I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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