So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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