I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There's even glitter on my cock...
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