How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize