is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
