We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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