she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
